Being laid off leads to awkward encounters

My wife and I recently had dinner with a laid-off colleague and her husband. We had been let go the same day a couple of weeks ago. The mutual support dinner gave us a chance to compare notes on what our unemployment routine has been like. Each of us has been busy, but neither has found a reliable new source of income.

One common aspect of our new existences is the awkwardness we encounter from people who've heard we're no longer working but don't know any details. The awkwardness centers on the assumption that the suddenly employed must have done something wrong. How do you fight that notion? We were laid off so that our employer could save money. Each of us had done everything asked of us. Former co-workers wondered how they would get along without us, how they would do the work we had done for so long. Who would take up the slack? How would they take up the slack? Our unemployment, I think all would admit, was through no fault of our own. And because there was no union contract or written policy, more senior and experienced workers like us were laid off while recent hires remained. The fact that the newspaper didn't explain the layoffs or even mention them except in the most tangential way has contributed to the uncertainty and awkwardness.

But people we encounter who have not heard the full story find themselves in awkward positions. Should they express concern? Sympathy? Should they mention work at all? We eastern North Carolinians are too polite to bring up painful matters or to pry into private lives, so many people simply ignore "the elephant in the room," and I don't mention it either. My situation is not anything for other people to worry about; it's something I'll have to handle on my own.

Those who do know the whole story have been wonderfully supportive of all of us. I've received so many notes and e-mails that I've begun collecting them in a folder. The telephone calls and personal conversations I can't save, but there have been many of those, too.

The sympathy, concern and support have been reassuring and encouraging, but what my colleague and I really need are jobs. And this is not a good time to be searching for a new career.