Time for the State of the Union PowerPoint

Good evening and welcome to TNN's coverage of the State of the Union PowerPoint. The Sergeant-at-Arms is carrying the president's laptop into the House Chamber. "Madame Speaker, the president of the United States. Please dim the lights!"
The president is opening his laptop and booting up his PowerPoint presentation. There — the first slide just appeared on the big screen hanging from the balcony railing. There's another screen behind the podium simultaneously showing the PowerPoint from the presidential laptop.
"You know, Tom, there's been some talk about changing the venue for this event next year to Cowboy Stadium, which has the world's largest video screen."
But who wants 90,000 screaming political groupies at a State of the Union PowerPoint?
"You're right, Tom. This is so much better here in the Capitol's empty House Chamber with just the president and his IT czar and his laptop. It's so much quieter than in the old days when the president gave a speech. And all those silly interruptions and standing ovations! How did we ever stand it?"
It's the march of technology. The PowerPoint presentation has supplanted the Teleprompter.
"And we're glad it has."
The president's hand is on the mouse and he's ready to start his presentation.
"Madame Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, Honored Guests: On this slide you see that the State of the Union is strong. While other nations would like to supplant the United States of America by force of arms or by unfair trade practices or by technological innovation, you just can't beat a PowerPoint presentation."
Oh! That's a nice touch! The president has segued to a slide of members of Congress giving a standing ovation.
"I wonder when that little video was shot! Oh! And look, he's Photoshopped in a couple of guests in the crowd. There's Bill Gates applauding."
And look who's sitting beside him. Isn't that Steve Jobs?
"Thank you, but let's go to the next slide. America's future depends upon education, and tonight I am proposing a new $500 billion initiative to put computers in every classroom throughout this nation. When this initiative is complete, every child in America will be able to see the same PowerPoint presentation at the same time in each and every class throughout this great nation. We call it No Slide Left Behind. The cost of this program will be offset by savings resulting from eliminating the need for teachers. We'll be able to use service animals to click the mouse and advance the slides."
With this next slide, the president is showing his commitment to controlling spending. Instead of flying all these special guests to Washington to sit in the balcony and wave to the camera when the president calls their name, the president is showing a slide of each special guest, along with a brief bio, so he doesn't even have to name them or explain them.
"That's a nice touch. He's really taking advantage of the technology to save taxes."
... And that's the end of the PowerPoint, coming in at just 11 minutes after he entered the chamber. That's a lot better use of time than the usual 70 or 80 minutes presidents wasted when they gave speeches to Congress.
"It's so much more efficient these days."
And our instant poll results are in. Americans like the PowerPoint State of the Union much better than the old-style speeches. They preferred PowerPoint by a margin of 42 percent to 9 percent over speeches. The other 49 percent wanted to eliminate the whole shebang. Good night, Dan.
"Good night, Tom."
And don't forget that this presentation is downloadable from WhiteHouse.gov or from iTunes. Good night from TNN.