School marm Perdue issues a warning

Well, Bev, you really got 'em skeered now. Yessiree. Those state troopers who have been taking out their testosterone on young women, both motorists and Highway Patrol secretaries, using their state phones to send titillating text messages, drinkin' and drivin' (no doubt just for research) and cozying up to politicians in hopes of a plum promotion are on notice now.

Yessir, one more violation, and you'll ... you'll frown at 'em and tell 'em that was a no-no! "No, no, no! You can't take your pants off while on duty." "No, no, no! You can't get caught drivin' drunk. Perception is reality, and if you are perceived to be drunk, well you just might be drunk, and then I'll have to call a press conference and tell the whole state that I'm disappointed in you, and you wouldn't like that, would you?"

I'm sure what really skeeers 'em is having to sign this new ethics pledge. Why men who fool around with other men's wives and beat their dogs and pull political strings and wiggle out of drunk driving arrests fear nothing more than having to sign an ethics pledge. I'll bet they're all quaking in their spit-shined boots. And all this talk about "zero tolerance"? They've gotta be sweating that one. After all, they've seen what "zero tolerance" means in Raleigh; it's the rough equivalent of "you better not get caught, but if you do you better have a good excuse."

You've really shown what you're made of, Bev. We know you wanted to be the Education Governor, just like Jim and Terry and those guys, but they didn't get to be E.G.'s by talking to subordinates like they were second-graders and then giving them a second-grade punishment. Are you gonna make Col. Randy Glover write 100 times "I must not blame the news media when my troopers get caught with their pants down"? The only thing missing at Wednesday's news conference was a 12-inch wooden ruler for slapping someone's hand. Make a note for the next news conference, OK?

We all remember that campaign commercial you ran in 2008, the one with all the cute (and ethnically diverse) school children leading cheers for Bev Perdue ("She's got a Ph.D.!"). But we really didn't think you'd try to run the state as if it were a second-grade classroom. Even a second-grade teacher should be able to recognize when the kids on Safety Patrol are arrogant and misbehaving and need to be replaced. Did you skip that class in grad school, or do you think the Safety Patrol guys are just too cute to be fired?

Bev, instead of portraying an irked school marm, you should take a lesson from another North Carolinian, who never became governor (he would have been a great one) but was a great education administrator (despite not having a Ph.D.) Bill Friday, president emeritus of the UNC system, turns 90 on Tuesday. When he had to reprimand subordinates at the university (thanks to N&O columnist Jim Jenkins for this tidbit), he would remind them, "Remember, you and I work for the people of North Carolina. All of them." I'll bet that's a better ethics pledge than the one you're asking troopers to sign, Bev.