This is a new sign of the times

So ... what's your sign?

The lamest of all pickup lines just got a lot lamer. An astronomer has sparked a bit of a controversy with the 2,500-year-old news that traditional astrological signs are inaccurate. The 12 signs of the zodiac — actually stellar constellations through which the sun, moon and planets appear throughout the year as the Earth revolves around the sun — were established about 3,000-plus years ago in ancient Babylonia. Astrologers of the day attempted to predict the future by reading "signs" in the stars. These star-gazers based their predictions on the erroneous belief that the sun and planets were traversing the constellations when, in fact, the movements were based primarily on the Earth's revolution (plus the planets' orbits around the sun).

That was all well and good as long as you were sold on ancient superstitions, but the ancient signs of the zodiac held one serious flaw: They didn't take into account the Earth's "wobble" in its orbit. Because of that wobble (think of a spinning top with an axis that moves around as the top slows down), the sun, moon and planets were no longer in the constellations they had been when the Babylonian astrologers defined the signs of the zodiac. Astronomers (and even astrologers) have known this for more than 2,000 years, but why mess with superstition?

When Minneapolis astronomer Parke Kunkle emphasized the changing zodiac in a TV interview, the whole astrological world went topsy-turvy. What you thought was "your sign" wasn't anymore because the sun was not in the constellation it had been on your birthday 3,000 years ago. It had moved to another constellation. What's more, Kunkle said the modern zodiac includes a 13th sign — Ophiuchus. I, for example, had been a Pisces but am now an Aquarian. There's nothing fishy about it.

The sense of anguish and shock among some people has been amazing. "But I'm a Leo," one woman told a reporter. "I'm exactly that type ... now I don't know what I am." The notion that stars hundreds of light-years away could have any influence on one's personality and fortunes has always seemed ludicrous to me. As a child, I dreamed of being an astronomer who, by definition, sees the stars not as determinants of destiny but as huge, hydrogen-based thermonuclear reactors, so I never cared for astrology or the zodiac, even as pickup lines in singles bars. I don't read horoscopes and don't know what my personality should be based on my sign, either ancient or current.

All those guys who have perfected their zodiac-based pickup lines, and all those women who base their judgment of men on the alleged compatibility of different signs? Better develop some new lines and a more rational evaluation system. And the people who have their (now erroneous) sign tattooed on their body parts? You should have realized that tattoos are permanent, even if the zodiac is not.