Life begins at conception, and so do rights

The National Rifle Association and the National Republican Campaign Committee announced today a new initiative for the 2020 elections and beyond. In a move that consolidates two major Republican campaign themes — guns and abortions — the initiative proposes arming fetuses, or, as Republican literature prefers to call them, "preborn voters."

This proposal dovetails with the stand of some anti-abortion activists who have sought to declare "personhood" as beginning at the moment of conception; therefore, preborn voters have, from the moment of conception, all of the constitutional rights of post-born voters, including the right to bear arms.

NRA researchers are working on miniaturizing AR-15 assault rifles so that they can be inserted into the womb. After such an implant, the preborn voter would be able to defend himself/herself against an abortion doctor, just as post-born voters can defend themselves from burglars, rapists and IRS agents.

"We see this as a combining of two great cultural movements," said a spokesman for the NRA's Guns for the Preborn Committee, who asked not to be named.