Wednesday, May 2, 2012

GOP staff heralds the new sexiness

Who knew Republicans could be so sexy?

For the second time in a week, a GOP legislative staffer has had to resign because of an "inappropriate relationship" with a lobbyist. I didn't know GOP stood for "Going Out Party."

At least these relationships had nothing to do with underage girls — or boys — furry animals, prostitutes or skanky campaign videographers. Leave those to Democrats with presidential ambitions. Mr. Speaker, it could've been a whole lot worse. No one violated any criminal statutes, the Mann Act or any proposed amendments to the state constitution.

And who could blame a few staff members if their eyes wandered a bit during interminable committee meetings or they found themselves having erotic daydreams while the honorable gentleman from West Podunksboro droned on for a couple of hours of floor debate. Can you blame a guy under those circumstances for thinking, "I'd like to get that bait on the floor!"

Time was, young people met their mates on the job. A little mutual attraction around the water cooler or across the cubicle wall, and suddenly the sparks fly! But that's "oh so seventies" now! You ask a co-worker to lunch, and you end up with a sexual harassment complaint, a negative fitness report and a ruined career. So what's a lonely legislative aide to do? Who can blame him for recognizing that there are women around the Legislative Palace who are paid to talk to him? And the longer the session drags on, the better-looking they get!

What I can't figure is why the lobbyists find the GOP staff so attractive. Power is the great aphrodisiac, as Henry Kissinger once said, but these staff people aren't exactly wielding thunderbolts or unleashing armies of bureaucrats. They're legislative staff, well-paid lapdogs and go-fers. In the new millennium, maybe that's sexy.

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